Mike Tyson, Gazza’s New Mental Health Advisor

Who better than to help Gazza turn around his life than medical professionals Mike Tyson? Or at least attempt to help Gazza straighten out his life, which is Mike’s aim the next time he visits England. (They still let him in the country? Talk about keeping your standards bedrock low.) If you recall, Mike had a little chat with another English start plagued by poor decision making named Wayne Rooney in 2005. Seems that went well.

Gazza, who is having much bigger issues than simply having a temper, could probably use any help that he can get right now……from anyone not named “Iron” Mike Tyson. Actually, maybe he should just extend that to guys whose nickname comes before his actual name – “Mean” Joe Green, “Hammerin’” Hank Aaron”, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, etc – for no apparent reason.

“I know all about Gazza and I feel I can help him,” American Tyson said. “A lot of top sportsmen have suffered in their private lives, including me, and that is why I want to help.

“I still see him as a superstar and would like to meet him if he feels up for it. Back in 2005, Wayne Rooney was on a downer and I met him and lifted his spirits. I am sure I can do the same for Paul Gascoigne.”

Right now is when you imagine Mike saying “Paul Gascoigne” in his voice, think a slightly higher and more nasally voice than Steven Seagal. Hell, even just Tyson saying “Paul” is enough to crack a smile.

But seriously, is there a worse candidate to give a man suffering mental shortcomings advice than this guy:

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Category: England, English Premier League, World Football