Oh Snap! Champions League Level Smack Talk

Many people are saying that the Champions League hasn’t been that great this year and they might be right, but as we fill the time before the final on May 23 it is good to see that the level of smack talk is ratcheting up beyond the usual Jose Mourinho doesn’t like this or that manager silliness.

Bringing the heat today is former World Cup winner and Real Madrid sporting director Jorge Valdano who was none too impressed with the display put on by Chelsea and Liverpool in the semifinals.

“Football is made up of subjective feeling, of suggestion – and, in that, Anfield is unbeatable. Put a shit hanging from a stick in the middle of this passionate, crazy stadium and there are people who will tell you it’s a work of art. It’s not: it’s a shit hanging from a stick,” he wrote in Spanish newspaper Marca.

“Chelsea and Liverpool are the clearest, most exaggerated example of the way football is going: very intense, very collective, very tactical, very physical, and very direct.

“But, a short pass? No. A feint? No. A change of pace? No. A one-two? A nutmeg? A backheel? Don’t be ridiculous. None of that. The extreme control and seriousness with which both teams played the semi-final neutralised any creative licence, any moments of exquisite skill.”

I haven’t seen the use of the term “shit hanging from a stick” used so well in many, many years. Well played, Jorge. And he happens to be partially right. The game in some parts is becoming very physical and very tactical. Chelsea certainly resemble that description. Liverpool do but to a lesser degree. On the whole the sport might be moving in that direction, but I don’t agree that creative license is disappearing, however. There are still plenty of teams and plenty of players who will make your jaw drop with their moves. This just sounds to me like a former player glorifying the past, but I am willing to forgive him for it because he goes on to lack down more smack by pointing out that Jose Mourinho and Rafa Benitez were both shite footballers and therefore their coaching style is more shit on a stick than Picasso.

“The lives of Mourinho and Benitez have crossed in a world that is ever more scrutinised and exposed by the media, which is why they look at each other with such distrust.

“But they have two things in common: a previously denied, hitherto unsatisfied hunger for glory, and a desire to have everything under control.

“Both of those things stem from one key factor: neither Mourinho nor Benitez made it as a player. That has made them channel all their vanity into coaching.

“Those who did not have the talent to make it as players do not believe in the talent of players, they do not believe in the ability to improvise in order to win football matches. In short, Benitez and Mourinho are exactly the kind of coaches that Benitez and Mourinho would have needed to have made it as players.”

That is another interesting theory that may be partially true although Arsene Wenger never did much as a player and he coaches a style that is more to Valdano’s liking. There are also other examples of great players who have been lousy managers. Again, Valdano is almost on the mark, but gets full credit for raising an interesting subject and for verbally smacking two managers who are used to doing the smacking.

Finally, there is some good chatter, and rehashing of old quotes, between AC Milan’s Gennaro Gattuso and Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard. With all due respect to Gerrard, the last thing I would ever do would get Gattuso pissed off. He wakes up every morning by biting the heads off of babies. At least that is how I picture his day starting. Just ask Cristiano Ronaldo what it is like to encounter him when he is grumpy.

Two more weeks of talking before the final. This should be fun.

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Category: Champions League, World Football