Premier League Predictions 2008/9 – Week 8

By: Daryl | October 17th, 2008

I think we’ve established by now that my predictions are pretty unreliable. If I say something’s going to happen, then it almost definitely won’t. But like a fly bashing its tiny head against a window, I keep trying.

To see what the pros at Paddy Power think, check out the odds on this weekend’s games at Bet Offside.

For my fly versus glass forecasts, read on…

Saturday, 18 October 2008 (all kickoffs GMT)

Arsenal v Everton, 15:00
Arsenal trio William Gallas, Bacary Sagna and Nicklas Bendtner all got broken while on international duty so will miss this game. Everton haven’t lost an away Premier League since their last visit to the Emirates (May 2008).
Prediction: 2-1 to Arsenal
Bonus Prediction: Wenger will field a player too young to play certain board games.

Aston Villa v Portsmouth, 15:00
Premier League Player of the Month Ashley Young will continue his quest to win over Fabio Capello, and Villa are still unbeaten at home. Portsmouth hold an even better record: all of their Premier League goalscorers so far have been English. Though that’s mostly because they haven’t scored many goals.
Prediction: 2-0 to Villa
Bonus Prediction: Peter Crouch will jump on John Carew’s shoulders, creating the tallest human ever.

Bolton v Blackburn, 15:00
Bolton snapped their winless streak two weeks ago by beating West Ham 3-1, but then along came the international break. This will be Paul Ince’s 100th game as a football manager, which makes me feel old.
Prediction: Away win for Blackburn, 1-0.

Fulham v Sunderland, 15:00
Fulham are just one spot above the relegation zone and are on a three game losing streak. Both Andy Johnson and Danny Murphy are just one striker away from 100 career club goals. For Sunderland, Dwight Yorke is very very old.
Prediction: 1-1
Bonus Prediction: With Clint Dempsey the lone US survivor of the Fulhamerica experiment (Eddie Johnson’s been loaned to Cardiff), the nickname will be officially laid to rest before kick off. The Sund-Ireland tag goes from strength to strength.

Liverpool v Wigan, 15:00
Is this the year Liverpool challenge for the Premier League? If the answer’s yes then they need to win games like this, even without the injured Fernando Torres.
Prediction: 2-0 to Liverpool, with Robbie Keane filling Torres’ boots admirably.
Bonus Prediction: Liverpool’s starting XI will be wearing copious volumes of L4Men, making close marking near impossible.

Man Utd v West Brom, 17:30
Utd’s title challenge is up and running, and West Brom are not the team to stop it.
Prediction: 3-0 to Man Utd.
Bonus Prediction: Carlos Tevez will score, but he will not have to commit pandacide to do co.

Middlesbrough v Chelsea, 12:45
Wow. A home win for Middlesbrough is the longest odds of any Premier League home team this weekend at 5-1. Indeed, Chelsea are dominant right now. But Middlesbrough are just the sort of unpredictable team to upset the expensive applecart, especially with Carvalho, Terry and Cole all possibly missing from Chelsea’s back four. So I’m going against the bookies to say…
Prediction: 1-0 Middlesbrough. Oh yes I did.
Bonus Prediction: Someone somewhere will boo Ashley Cole, even if he doesn’t play.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Hull v West Ham United, 15:00
Honeymoon is over for Zola, and now the serious business begins. According to the table, Hull are currently the third best team in the Premier League.
Prediction: 1-0 to Hull.
Bonus Prediction: No one will stoop low enough to make a joke about travelling West Ham fans going “to Hull and back.” Except me.

Stoke v Tottenham, 16:00
Who’s the worst team in the Premier League? We’ll know for sure after this battle of the bottom two.
Prediction: 2-0 to Spurs.
Bonus Prediction: Roman Pavlyuchenko spotted reading the “Dummies Guide to Russian Politics” at halftime.

Monday, 20 October 2008

Newcastle v Man City, 20:00
Newcastle have taken just one point from the last fifteen, and will be without the – shock – injured Michael Owen for this one.
Prediction: 2-1 to City.
Bonus Prediction: Mike Ashley to fill in for Michael Owen, finally giving Newcastle a proper target man. He will not score.

Predictions of your own? Are they better than mine? Of course they are. You can back it up with some cash at Bet Offside or share your predictions (including bonus predictions) in the comments.