Robben’s Agent Has A Cure For Real’s Amateur Doctors: Fatty Food.

One doesn’t have to be exceedingly brilliant to be an agent. Can be just the opposite, in fact. Pretty sure Arjen Robben’s agent, Tscheu La Ling, also a long time Ajax player, falls under the latter category.

Arjen, more commonly known as Mr. Glass, is currently hurt. Shocking, I know. Not because he’s injury prone, but because football doctors are “amateurs” and he’s not eating enough fat. Of course.

Cue agent rant:

“Believe me, he will play next week or at least the week after. The doctors of Real Madrid are amateurs, like many involved in the world of football.

“Robben will no longer be the man of glass; I will take care of the solution. We’ll see a fit Robben in the very near future.”

“Arjen receives his power from fat. That is the reason that we work on this now; we are giving him other food,” he continued.

“Players are like racing cars because they need the right oil – otherwise it will cause damage. That is the problem with Arjen; he is not eating the right food.”

Pretty sure Real Madrid can afford to employ some decent doctors. And even if they are “amateurs” (just like the medical staffs at Chelsea and PSV, surely), Arjen simply could’ve hopped on a plane to go see Dr. Steadman (like Ruud), Dr. Andrews or Dr. Micheli in the states – all of whom seem to attract pro athletes like flies – or any other number of “professional doctors” strewn across the world. There’s no reason to take down an entire medical staff (or four) because your client pulls a muscle whenever he watches a hard tackle on TV.

But it is good to know Arjen is going to be stuffing his face with cheese and peanut butter to combat these injuries. He might be 350lbs, but goddamnit he’ll be on the pitch. Not that nutrition doesn’t help, it does, but the only thing which can save Robben’s career at this point is a body transplant.

Some Related Stories:

Category: World Football