Spanning the Globe: Holders Held, Minnows Miracles, Kissing Adriano

By: Bob | January 8th, 2007

Chances are you probably don’t have the time to follow every football league in the world closely. Never fear. We are here to help. Here’s a quick and dirty rundown of some of the highlights and lowlights from the weekend that was.

England – The FA Cup brought meaning and purpose to many a miserable life this weekend. The third round saw Premiership sides Sheffield United and Charlton Athletic dutifully humbled by lower division teams Swansea City and Nottingham Forest, respectively. Arsenal also had the pleasure of knocking out the tournament holders Liverpool in front of an emotional Anfield crowd. Here are the fourth round fixtures, which commence on January 27.

Scotland – On paper, third division Morton’s victory over Scottish Premier League side Kilmarnock in the Scottish Cup would appear to be a major upset. But careful readers of The Offside will note that this is not as shocking as it sounds considering the number of walking wounded that play for Kilmarnock.

Portugal – Porto was the last team standing during last year’s Portuguese Cup, but they won’t have to worry about straining their arm muscles lifting the trophy this year. A goal in the 60th minute by David helped Atletico knock off Goliath 1-0 in Lisbon. According to the wire story, Atletico eliminated Porto in the semi-finals of the same tournament in 1946 so they are really starting to make a habit of this.

Egypt – For 30 months in a row African champs Al Ahli would throw out 11 players for their domestic league matches and come away with either a win or a tie. That amazing streak came to an end on Sunday when they were spanked 3-0 by Ismaili. Al Ahli is now a mere 6 points clear on the top of the table and will next lose in June 2009.

Spain – The top sides experienced a bit of a holiday hangover with leaders Sevilla losing to Real Zaragoza 2-1 in a bitch fight-marred match. Second place Barcelona could only pick up a point thanks to a lackluster 1-1 draw at Getafe, while Real Madrid continued to do what they do best at Deportivo Coruna: lose. Real Madrid fell 2-0 and have not won at the Riazor since the first Gulf war.

France – Things largely were true to form in the French Cup with the big boys all going through to the next round. Don’t tell that to first division side Lorient who have eggs on their face after being taken to the woodshed by fourth Division Calais 2-0. Calais, you’ll recall, made a run to the French Cup final in 2000 and also made a run in A Tales of Two Cities. Fabien Barthez also made a triumphant return, leading Nantes to a 1-0 win over Guingamp

Italy – Finally, Inter Milan put a 6-1 hurtin’ on Bahrain in a friendly with Adriano scoring a brace and being rewarded with a make out session with a lucky fan who almost managed to wrap his arms all the way around Adriano’s considerable waist.