The Arshavin Files: The Quote Machine Returns – Women Beware.

Andrei Arshavin is officially the best thing to happen to the Premier League ever. All 17 years of it or so.

Last we spoke Andrei had just finished a haircut by a stylist flown in from Russia because his wife doesn’t trust the stylists in London to make him look like an 11 year old boy. Since then Andrei’s primarily been making his noise on the pitch rather than on it. ‘Til now, that is. A sitdown interview has spawned the juiciest of nuggets which will draw millions of chuckles and the ire of feminists the world over.

Back when Andrei was merely a promising signing fresh off a drawn-out saga, he brought England to a standstill with his thoughts on female drivers, which evolved into perhaps the best football interview of the decade. Those thoughts were…

“If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licences, I would do it without thinking twice. In my opinion a woman and a man are two absolutely different creatures.”

During his British interview last week he was asked if he’d like to retract those comments. A simple ‘no’ would have sufficed. For everyone but Andrei Arshavin, that is.

‘I would never give driving lessons to women. We need to build new roads for them. Why? Because you never know what to expect from a woman on the road. If you see a car behaving weirdly, swerving and doing strange things, before you see the driver you know it is a woman. It is always a woman.’

The best part of all is this came through an entirely unfazed female interpreter. No reports as to how his wife feels – though she was probably far too busy hating English cooking to notice.

And while much of the interview centered around Arsenal and football, thus wasn’t of his typical candor, it wasn’t devoid of Arshavinisms.

Andrei on the tireless three-and-a-half month wait he’s endured:

‘We must buy in the summer. Not more potential, but players who are ready to do it now, players like me. We need two or three. If Arsenal want to win, they have to do it. We are tired of waiting.

Andrei on Barca:

‘At Barcelona I think I would be sitting on the bench, like Aleksandr Hleb. Which player could I replace? Thierry Henry? No, he is too good and I think Messi will be the World Player of the Year. If I could vote it would be for Messi. Even if you just count the goals and the beautiful passes and look at it statistically, Messi would win over Ronaldo. It has been close but Messi has been better. So where would I play at Barcelona?’

Andrei on defense – part Italy:

‘Last season, once I knew I was leaving St Petersburg, the choice was always England or Spain, never Italy. I think the English league right now is the best league there has ever been, whereas in Italy it is very defensive, very closed football. I do not like it.’

Andrei on defense – part Chelsea:

Chelsea have a good team but it is not football with emotion: one goal and then (blows raspberry, folds arms) boring again.

The man is, once again, a gem, both off the field and off.

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Category: English Premier League, World Football