The Future of Football (but probably not)

By: Daryl | February 20th, 2008

the future of football? Predictions about the future are almost always a big load of bollocks. Where’s my flying car? My house on the moon? My adjustable-size jacket with self-drying-mode from Back to the Future Part II? Nowhere, that’s where. But the human race’s chronic inability to predict what’s going to happen is actually good news. Especially if you’ve seen what some think is in store for the beautiful game.

Take the Orange Future of Football Report 2008 for example. It makes many many predictions for how football will look in 2020. Most of them are very very silly. You can read the full report in PDF form here and some intelligent commentary from Tom at Pitch Invasion here. Or you can read a quick summary with some poorly though out gut reactions below…

Games will be broadcast as 3D holographs, a la “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”
Could happen. But only if this is the future of televisions anyway. Basically, we’ll always watch football the same way we watch everything else.

The broadcast experience will become so immersive that no one will bother to go to games anymore.
It doesn’t matter how many technological innovations there are (360 degree angles etc) the pleasure of seeing a game live can’t be replicated. You’re either there or you’re not.

Empty seats in the crowd will be filled virtually, with holographic images.
What’s the obsession with holographs? No. Can you imagine clubs wasting money in the technology to do that when they could be spending it on transfers and wages?

Stadiums will double as the center of communities, with residential and retail developments built in.
This would seem to make sense. But it will probably ruin a few marriages.

Clubs will go green, eg using solar power for energy
Seems logical. Rosenberg have already made a start, and going green should be better for any club’s budget in the long run.

The worldwide water shortage will make grass too expensive to maintain, so artificial turf will be everywhere
Woah there Orange Future of Football Report 2008! What’s with the apocalyptic water supply shortage? You say it like it’s common knowledge that we’ll all run out of water by 2020. Even if that happens, people will still hate artificial turf with a passion. Sepp Blatter’s keen though.

Clubs bursting rainclouds early to get the downpour out of the way before kick-off
The technology already exists and if clubs can afford it they might do it. But weather modification technology will surely be controlled by governments and I doubt they’d be keen on using it just to stop a few footballers getting muddy. I thought there was a water shortage anyway?

In-seat services at stadiums, like mini-monitors and the ability to order food and drinks
Even the biggest football clubs struggle to pay for new stadiums. Even though the technology exists, no club will want to add millions to the cost of a stadium they’re going to fill anyway. And I don’t hear fans crying out for sitting in a football stadium to become identical to flying economy.

Deliberately uncomfortable “vibrating seats” to encourage people to stand up
What? No. That’s not a good idea.

Fragrances pumped into stadiums to excite or calm the crowds
OK, now this is just getting silly.

Special technologically enhanced versions of the game on your mobile phone, which can then be downloaded to your PC
Sigh. Be honest Orange. We know you’re a phone company. Would this prediction have made the report if you weren’t sponsoring it?

“The IMS service ‘Share the Beautiful Game’ is a sharing space that people can use in the pre-match build-up to decide where to meet and so on”
And by “people” you mean “Orange customers.”

Managers will take advice from computers about who to substitute
We all know about ProZone and the advantages that increased data collection brings. But while managers will no doubt keep looking at those statistics, none of them will be comfortable having a computer flash a warning that it’s time to substitute the left winger because he’s only performing at 55% of his capacity. Except Sam Allardyce.

That same data used to calculate players salaries
That actually makes some sense, but obviously demand for the player will still be the overriding factor in how much they get paid.

Tiny sensors embedded in boots and shinpads to detect contact and expose divers
Clever divers would just adapt and kick themselves in the shin as they went down.

Robot referees
Really? This is getting a bit Jetsons again.

Players fitted with devices for on-field communication
That would fundamentally alter the game, so I’d love to see you get that one past FIFA. And you’ve seen how stupid people look talking to themselves on BlueTooth.

A rise in fan onwership of clubs
Possibly. But billionaires will always have more money than a collection of fans. Sad but true.

Players will be fitted with GPS to make offside decisions more accurate
And then managers could keep track of where they go at night.

Players will wear individually tailored jerseys with nanotechnology to sense and replace lost nutrients
And maybe steroids?

Light-emitting and colour-changing fabrics will turn players jerseys into billboards with rotating commercials
This one actually seems inevitable.

Advanced medical techniques will cut injury recovery times
Almost goes without saying.

Players will be “genetic super-athletes”
How far in the future are we now?

Players will have pet piglets that carry DNA-engineered organs for future transplants
And maybe the piglets will become mini-celebrities. Look for a special “Are piglets the new WAGS?” feature on The Offside in March 2020.

Goalkeepers will wear special all-over body armour
But Paul Robinson’s grandson will still be dropping clangers.

The backlash to the over-commercialization of men’s football will see the women’s game take over
Until the women’s game gets over-commercialized as well.