The Lost XI Soccer Team (Hurley in Goal, Obviously)

Note: This is easily the nerdiest thing I’ve ever posted on The Offside. Or anywhere. Sometimes you have to acknowledge your inner geek, and give him access to WordPress.

The Lost series finale aired in the US (and simultaneously in the UK) last night. This won’t be a review of the show or anything quite so off topic. But to mark the passing of what was (like it or not) a pop culture landmark, I decided to put together a Lost XI football team. Mostly because if I was stuck on an a bizarro island with little hope of escape, I’d want to be on a decent football team to help pass the time.

Read on for my Lost XI, and please feel free to improve upon it with suggestions via the comments. Also, if you’ve yet to see the Lost series finale then be warned: My team-sheet does contain a few minor spoilers…

Lost XI

Playing 4-2-3-1, because it’s fashionable…

Goalkeeper: Hurley

The obvious choice for keeper, and not just because it’s standard practice to put the fat kid in goal. If Hurley is the island protector, then protecting the goal should come naturally.

Right back: Claire

Not the nice, normal, motherly version of Claire. She would not make a good right back. Our right back is crazy-haired, this-animal-skull-is-my-baby, I-will-kill-you Claire from the final season. She might be a little undisciplined, but you will not want to challenge her for a 50-50 ball. We might even tell her the ball is Aaron.

Central defender: Jack

This guy always wants to be in charge, so we may as well make him captain. Will lead the defence with shouty conviction, head everything away and go the extra mile to make tackles. Will literally die for the cause if needed. Which is a bonus.

Cental defender: Desmond

His laid-back style and long hair should compliment Jack’s close cropped, bossy, all-action approach in central defence. Plus, ability to see into the near future will prove invaluable for setting offside traps.

Left back: Richard

The guy is old. Very very old. Yet for he longest time he showed no signs of ageing. Which makes him the closest thing this Lost XI has to Paolo Maldini. So he’s our left-back. Also, think of the lucrative guy-liner endorsements…

Defensive mid: Jin

Will do the water-carrying dirtywork for this team, just as he did for Sun’s father. Maybe not the most subtle with the ball, but will go box to box all day and flatten anyone and anything that gets in his way. Also a huge asset for Lost XI replica jersey sales in Asia.

Defensive mid: Locke

He’s older than most of the other players, but Locke had to crack the Starting XI somehow. His “don’t tell me what I can’t do” attitude is just what you want in central midfield and as vice captain. Plus if the game is going badly then we can kill actual Locke and replace him with Smoke Monster Locke.

Right wing: Kate

She can wriggle out of seemingly any situation. No handcuff can hold her and no fullback can mark her. She’ll get to the byline one way of another. Will link up well with both Jack and Sawyer, and – as we learned in the series finale – she can shoot.

Left wing: Faraday

I wanted to include Charlie in this starting XI, but decided he’d fail the mandatory drug test. So instead I’ve gone with physicist/mathematician Daniel Faraday down the left. Mostly because if anyone knows the correct angle to float a cross into the box, then it’s him.

Attacking mid: Sawyer

Who else could it be? The man is a schemer, full of tricks. Can fool anyone by appearing to go one way but then swerving the other, and also has a hell of a temper. For me that makes Sawyer the Zidane of this team.

Striker: Sayid

He’s a stone cold killer. Lethal. Remorseless. That’s what you need in front of goal, and that’s what Sayid will deliver. Especially zombie Sayid from season six. Ice cold.

Here’s what the team sheet would look like:

Reyes
Littleton – Shephard – Hume – Alpert
Kwon – Locke
Austin – Ford – Faraday
Jarrah

Other positions: Ben Linus has to be the manager of this team. Always thinking a few moves ahead of everyone, plus you’re not sure whether to like him or not. Like a bug eyed Jose Mourinho. Based purely on wealth, team owner has to be Charles Widmore. That would guarantee some serious investment. Obviously we’d need an official team song, so maybe Charlie and Driveshaft could take care of that. Team mascot is either Vincent the dog, or that mysterious polar bear. If pushed I’d go polar bear. Lapidus is in charge of transport, since he has the pilot uniform, and – for obvious reasons – Juliette can take care of youth development.

Any suggestions or improvements for our Lost XI?

[Image: ABC]

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Category: World Football