The Shock Heard Round The Prem

By: chris | August 21st, 2008

Let’s just say at this point in his career, the only way Mikael Silvestre could’ve generated more press attention is if he was found nude doing lines off Fergie’s ass with a transsexual rodeo clown down a dark Mancunian alley. Thankfully for us – and especially the good people of Manchester’s alleys – he’s decided to do the second best thing and move from United to Arsenal in the shock heard round the Premiership.

Now, this isn’t a big deal because Silvestre is good or anything. He’s not, really. You can’t be good from the trainer’s table. It’s a big deal because he’s the first person to go from Old Trafford to Arsenal since Brian Kidd in 1974 – a massive 34 years for those of you that can’t do basic math. Sir Whiskey Nose doesn’t like sending people to direct rivals – just ask Gabriel Heinze – and would rather they go somewhere down there (midtable) or somewhere over there (continent), where they’re of little or no threat.

So what does it say that Fergie had been willing to send Mikael away for a six figure fee to one actual rival (Arsenal) and one in theory (City)? Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the elder statesman, is it. Could be that he’s the new Jaap Stam, but without the autobiography. Or maybe they just couldn’t afford the medical bills anymore and were willing to send him anywhere just to get back in the black. They do, after all, have those massive hundred million pound debts. Could be that Mikael’s finally paying for his sins.

Aside from the injuries, Mikael will bring certain benefits to Northon London. Occasionally he’ll be able to help form an all-Français back line at the Emirates, getting Arsene all hot and bothered when he makes out the team sheets. He’ll also be able to help teach some of them how to shave when they’re good and ready. Or even pick them up from school when Arsene’s busy drawing up tactics on game days. In the end, it’s hard to understand why they wouldn’t sign him.