The True ‘Next Maradona’

No really, because he is a Maradona. Or at least half.

After listening to our pleas, Sergio Aguero and Gianina Maradona did the deed – for the betterment of mankind, of course – and after 9 long months of waiting, yesterday Gianina* gave birth to their son and the grandson of one Diego Maradona.

Welcome to the world, Benjamin Maradona. Now you have no choice but to become the greatest player in the history of ever.

* – Some places source it as “Gianina”, others as “GianinNA” – Diego has “GianinNa” tattoed on his arm so we’re going with Gianina.

Really, just think about it: he’s half Maradona, half Aguero. Whole Maraguero, even (coining that right now, actually: Benji Maraguero).

That’s two gene pools swimming with elite technique, pace and skill. Not to mention lots of whining, diving, idiotic comments and drug dependencies. It’s really the perfect combination of being a complete and utter mess off the pitch while at the same time being far and away the best player on it. Even Messi is looking back in fright, and Benji’s just begun his breastfeeding odyssey (presumably with Gianina, not Diego).

And while we joke, you can be damn sure there are going to be hundreds of scouts watching the first time Benji Maraguaro is removed from Diego’s Gianina’s breast and placed directly on a pitch. Or maybe he already signed a contract with Boca Juniors while still in the womb – unless Sir Alex got to him first, of course.

For now, we’ll just have to watch this video for a glimpse into the future, but I’m already dreaming of the first day Benji Maraguero runs around all 11 opposing players, scoring a spectacular goal, and celebrates by doing two lines off a hooker’s ass at the corner flag.

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Category: World Football