The Ultimate Couch Potato Contest

A quick look at my living room couch will tell you that I spend considerable amount of time sitting on it. Those cushions didn’t just come with the buttock marks in them. That has only come through hard earned work, especially on the weekends when I usually watch 14 dog year’s worth of football a day. All of this training has not been for naught now that I have been made aware of the Ultimate Couch Potato Contest. Go ahead and place your bet with your neighborhood bookie right now. I will win the big prize next year.

In the meantime, we all will have to await word on who wins this year’s version of the Great American Sit Off. Four combatants are on the couch watching ESPN sports until they can watch no more. Contestants are allowed a five-minute break every hour and a 15-minute break every eight hours but must otherwise be looking constantly at the screen. This is much easier than a contest I once witnessed in college where the participants wore adult diapers and were not allowed to have any part of their gluteus maximums leave the couch at any time. We threw the couch out after that one was over.

The winner of the Ultimate Couch Potato Contest gets a prize package worth $5,000 just for sitting on their ass. What a beautiful country.

Of course, if the people running the contest really wanted to make it a challenge they would force the contestants to watch replays of ESPN’s World Cup coverage at full volume. I’d last about 20 minutes or until the first time Dave O’Brien referred to Celtic as Glasgow United.

By the way, the hero of the day is the Canadian Suresh Joachim, who holds the world record for watching TV with a not so shabby 69 hours and 48 minutes of continuous viewing. My purposeless life now has purpose.

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Category: World Football