The Vatican sets out to clean up football

Perhaps after watching Dida’s antics against AC Milan you are appalled by the state of the Beautiful Game. Or perhaps you are like me and think player-fan fights should be a mandatory part of each match. If you are in the appalled by the state of the game camp you will be pleased to learn that someone is determined to clean up the sport. That someone is the Vatican.

The mighty cast of characters known as the Italian Bishop’s Conference is the proud new owner of the Italian third division AC Ancona, a club that played in Serie A four years ago and that made it to the final of the 2004 Italian Cup. It is also a club that was involved in the Italian football bribery scandals.

All of that is going to change now that the scandal-free Catholic Church is running the show. The Vatican says it will impose an ethics code which will punish fans for taunting the opposition and punish its own players for playing dirty.

Andrea Staffolani, a 24-year-old striker, said: “We have not been told all the details about the new ethical code, but we like what we have read so far.

”For example, the idea that if we get sent off we have to do voluntary work.

”We’ve been talking about it in the dressing room, and we are ready to do it.

“The team has played well and fairly on the pitch until now anyway, and we hope to keep it that way.

If there is a God in this world he will see to it that Dida is immediately transferred to AC Ancona. The world could use the seven million hours of voluntary work that he owes it.

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Category: Serie A, World Football