The Very Very Best of Ian Holloway

Plymouth fans will be disappointed to learn that manager Ian Holloway has handed in his resignation and will very likely be moving to Championship rivals Leicester City. The good news is that Plymouth players can still hear Holloway’s halftime teamtalks, as several prepared versions are available online free of charge. But they won’t be able to replicate his post match interviews. Below is a carefully selected compilation of the very very best of the special magic that happens when Ian Holloway opens his mouth.

“We threw everything at them. The kitchen sink, golf clubs, emptied the garage and threw it at them. Unfortunately, it was not enough, but at least my garage is tidy.”

“Every dog has its day, and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark!”

“To the people who booed – boo to you!”

“When my wife first saw Marc [Nygaard, QPR striker] for the first time, she said he was a fine specimen of a man. She says I have nothing to worry about, but I think she wants me to buy her a QPR shirt with his name on the back for Christmas.”

“We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we’d have dealt with County’s first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands.”

“I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose thats one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.”

“I want to try and spread the support with my Bristol connection. Rovers are in the bottom division so why can’t I try and convert some of them into Argyle fans? We’re in the West Country so it’s not that far away. Only two and a half hours away in a slow car, an hour and a half in a fast one – or 10 minutes in a rocket! As long as you aimed it right, you’d be down here really quickly. Don’t land it on the pitch, though, because you’d ruin it!”

“You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I’m like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.”

“I’m as chuffed as a badger at the beginning of the mating season.”

“When their man was sent off, it seemed to wake up the crowd and give them someone to get their teeth into and fortunately for us that was the referee.”

“I reckon the ball was travelling at 400mph, and I bet it burned the keeper’s eyebrows off.”

“When my mum was running our house, when I was a kid, all the money was put into tins. She knew what was in every tin and I know how much I’ve got in my tin – that’s the way we’ll run this club.”

“I’ve lasted five years at two clubs and I tell you what, that’s an absolute miracle. Is it something to do with my management, or is it my good looks? No, it can’t be that, because I’ve got a face like a robber’s dog.”

And finally, the very very very best Ian Holloway quote, after his QPR team had claimed an unconvincing win over Cheltenham Town…

“To put it in gentleman’s terms, if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, you’ve done what you set out to do. We didn’t look our best today but we’ve pulled.

Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they’re not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi.

She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let’s have coffee.”

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Category: England, World Football