Transfer Talk: Another Sunderland Sex Tape Star on the Move

By: Bob | January 11th, 2007

It is that time of year again when the rumors are hot and heavy and fiction becomes reality. We’ll do our best to help you stay on top of all the latest, greatest and lamest winter transfer window news. Here are some Grade A nibbles from the football transfer world today.

Roy Keane wants David Beckham to play for Sunderland. Sorry, too late.

Keane continues to shuffle his Sunderland roster and to purge the Black Cats of its sex tape heroes. Keeper Ben Alnwick has already left for greener pastures and today fellow porn star Chris Brown will take his commentary skills to Norwich.

Speaking of quality films, documentary film maker and former French international Vikash Dhorasoo is believed to be in talks with Fulham. Dhorasoo has been staying mentally fit by being a celebrity poker commentator. Playing for Fulham might be a less glamorous profession.

Fulham have said good-bye to left back Niclas Jensen who will join FC Copenhagen where people will have an easier time spelling his first name. Meanwhile Fulham have also offered a deal to former Russia captain Alexei Smertin.

These are the poetic words from the Guardian about Birmingham’s acquisition of Luton striker Rowan Vine: “Steve Bruce has splattered David Sullivan’s porn cash all over Mike Newell’s face, snapping up striker Rowan Vine for £2m.”

Ben Thatcher is taking his elbow to Charlton where he will have ample opportunity to play without class.

There is plenty of speculation from the land of Arsenal, but before you go out and buy a jersey with his name on it Ryan Babel says he is committed to staying at Ajax. Some North London money might change all that.

Jose Mourinho is crying poor. Seriously. The Chelsea boss says his hands are being tied behind his back this transfer period and that he can’t spend millions to land another Sheva.

Metz midfielder Ludovic Obraniak is intent on joining Lille and all of us at The Offside wish him the best of luck with this endeavor.

Scottish Premier League side Falkirk is hoping that keeper Kasper Schmeichel is the ghost of his father. They have signed the dancing youngster away from Manchester City who are still waiting for David Seaman’s semen to turn into a top notch keeper.

Not just content to add Luis Figo and Ronaldo to their dynasty in the desert, Saudi club Al-Ittihad would like to land Pavel Nedved before he announces his retirement for the 20th time.

St Etienne have issued a hands-off warning to Lyon regarding their striker Frederic Piquionne. If Lyon don’t heed the warning they’ll be forced to watch Vikash Dhorasoo play poker for hours on end.

French second division side Grenoble have landed 18-year-olf Japanese striker Sho Ito who has the most crossword-friendly name in the French second division.

China midfielder Sun Xiang would like to receive political asylum from having to play for Shanghai Shenuhua. He is inquiring into receiving refugee status with PSV Eindhoven.