Transfer Talk: Bandanas Make You Respectable.

By: chris | May 12th, 2009

‘Tis the season. Let’s get started.

We must be thankful not all football owners are politicians, because there’s more spin on this than a dreidel in December. Silvio Berlusconi – Milan owner, Italian supreme supremo, master of the spoken word and creepy old pervert: “We lost the title because of Ancelotti. Many times we did not use the right tactics. We have so many good ball players and should have based our football on this asset, but we did the opposite.”

Translation: Carlo Ancelotti to Chelsea. Or Juventus. Or Roma. But not Milan.

The obligatory: Somewhere someone is pounding the Cristiano Ronaldo-to-Madrid pavement. We’re not listening. At least trying not to. Promise.

AZ were so fantastic this year bringing the Eredivisie closer to parity by dethroning The Big Three that Bayern have decided to pillage both coach Louis Van Gaal and captain Stijn Schaars. A little birdie claims The Big Three have combined to pay both fees for the Bavarians ensuring that the intellectual and leadership core of AZ is broken up. Color us unsurprised.

Carlos Tevez will either be moving to Liverpool, Citeh or Madrid or will shun a football career entirely to become a hip hop video girl. Lord knows he has the talent for both.

[The Spoiler]

According to his agent, Diego has signed for Juventus in a bid to bring more talent, whining and diving to Serie A. No word as of yet if Tiago will be locking him in the lav in order to keep a monopoly on the five lettered names ending in -go.

Another day, another potential Brokeback Mountain sequel brewing on the bruised side of Milan: Jose doesn’t know how to quit John Mikel Obi Wan Kenobi.

Mathieu Coutadeur, French Le Mans midfielder supremely aware of his own abilities: “I read that Arsenal are interested. That was a surprise. My team-mates have teased me. There are contacts, but nothing concrete.”

Javier Saviola wants to leave Real Madrid. Raise your hand if you knew Javier still plays for Real. Put your hands down. Liars.

Those same Bavarians would like Yoann Gourcuff in a swap deal to replace Franck Ribery by dangling Luca Toni. No pressure there. Nope. Of course, why Luca would want to go to Bordeaux after the Frenchies pick up Yoann’s option only to flog him the next morning is beyond us.

And finally, writing next week’s rumor: Nilmar to [insert big clubs here].