Transfer Talk: Black Cats, Unibrows and Uteruses

By: Bob | January 8th, 2007

It is that time of year again when the rumors are hot and heavy and fiction becomes reality. We’ll do our best to help you stay on top of all the latest, greatest and lamest winter transfer window news. Here are some Grade A nibbles from the football transfer world today.

You’re going to need a program guide to figure out who is playing for Sunderland these days. The Black Cats have once again made a move, this time signing 18-year-old Arsenal striker Anthony Stokes. The wunderknid decided that things are more fun at Sunderland than they would be if he signed with Celtic or Charlton.

Former Sunderland player and current Manchester City bench warmer Claudio Reyna is ready to take his unibrow elsewhere. He’s 33, his body is beaten up and he won’t cost a fortune. MLS, anyone?

Taking a page from the Figo fiasco, Sheffield United were a bit too eager to unveil their new signing, Leeds United center back Matthew Kligallon, whose last name makes me think of Star Trek for some reason.

Milan Baros has said gracias, but no gracias to Real Sociedad. The Aston Villa striker has scored just one more time than you and I this year. Remember when he was the flavor of the month?

He was a stud in their win on Saturday so that is enough to start the rumors that Manchester United are eager to keep Henrik Larsson around a little bit longer than just three months or at least long enough until Wayne Rooney starts scoring again.

Chelsea are apparently interested in FC Porto winger Ricardo Quaresma even though they aren’t really interested in anything other than a defender. Speaking of which, Hertha Berlin defender Josip Simunic is interested in helping Chelsea accumulate more cards. I love it when players start their own rumors.

Real Madrid has reportedly offered to unload the big load that is Ronaldo onto AC Milan’s bank account but the Serie A giants are less than eager to welcome Ronaldo and Antonio Cassano into their fold.

But AC Milan is eager to sign Lazio defender Massimo Oddo. The uterus belonging to Massimo Oddo’s wife will have the final word on where he ends up.

Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez appear to be forever doomed to a life at West Ham or at least until the end of the season when those pesky rules about playing for a certain number of clubs in one year run out.

Hearts has down the unthinkable. They have signed more Lithuanians. There probably is a punch line to the joke “How many Lithuanian keepers are needed to screw in a light bulb”, but it is Monday and my brain is still on the couch watching the FA Cup.

Olympique Marseille could use a little more love so it is only naturally that they turn to Russia for the warm hearted and cold blooded killer CSKA midfielder Evgeni Aldonin.

Bayern Munich are ready to take out the checkbook so they can purchase another championship side. Franck Ribery is evidently among their many targets, but they will have to wait at a very long and expensive line to get a shot at him. Ribery and Oliver Kahn on the same team….oh the visual horrors!