Transfer Talk: Funny Money Abound.

By: chris | May 20th, 2009

Man City have denied making a €150m bid to for one Lionel Messi, activating his buyout clause. A bid which wouldn’t bat a solitary eye.

You know…no one’s actually supposed to be able to use those clauses. They’re strictly prohibitive measures.

Barcelona will supposedly raid London, bringing Cesc back home and extraditing Ashley Cole. One of those will probably sit well with blaugrana fans. The other…not so much. Barca will also poach Fernando Llorente in a quest to improve one of the few gaping holes in their brilliant season: the hair.

Rafa will be following up his promise to use the market more successfully like ManU in a bid to dethrone ManU by signing someone from…ManU (or his pimp, Kia J – whichever). That someone would be Carlos Tevez, who will require £50m – £26m in transfer fee and the rest for food, shelter, puppy chow, etc. – to rejoin former West Ham BFF Javier Mascherano (Remember those days? Incredible.) at Anfield.

Interestingly enough, it’s come to light that Emmanuel Adebayor is being tracked by a person, not a club, in Carlo Ancelotti. Last summer he was pursued heavily by Milan, only for Arsene’s valuation to get in the way. This summer it’s either Milan, where Ancelotto still coaches, Chelsea, no need to remind of the rumors there, or to Roma – on the verge of their own major funny money takeover – where it’s rumored Carlo may return home.

Which would lead you to believe it’s all a bunch of bullshit.

Thiago Motta has reportedly parlayed his one major injury-free season this millennium into a boffo contract on the bruised side of Milan. Rumor has it he’ll also get his own wing of the medical facility along with that new contract.

Going the other way, Fiorentina were so enamored by The Bobo Vieri Experiment that their signing of unused Inter striker Hernan Crespo is being called “imminent”. No word if they’ll be registering as a charity anytime soon.

And Mourinho would like Ricardo Quaresma back next year to assess whether he has any clue to the mental side of football. If not, Zenit will gladly take him back to St. Pete to replace Danny Alves – the other one – who has just gone down for the year with a knee-through-the-wood chipper injury. €30m just doesn’t buy what it use to.

Milan’s senior citizen complex is sniffing around Shakhtar’s Croatian Darijo Srna in a bid to create a dual-pumping crossing machine on the right flank with that Becks guy, while also preparing to produce the sequel Bend It Like Srna Too. And so is that Luca Toni I see coming right behind?

Hamburg are reportedly thisclose to the full rights of Twente’s Eljero Elia, described as the new Arjen Robben. Pray for his knees.

Twente have signed Iraqi NT captain Nashat Akram who…now sit down for this…has 75 caps at age 24. Now setting up the duel with Iker Casillas for first man to 200. (Happy bday, Iker.)

Villarreal are gazing lustily at Igor Akinfeev, Europe’s next great keeper, as the CSKA Moscow supertalent exodus begins.

And finally, the sign your career is officially over: Clarence Seedorf and MLS in the same sentence.