Transfer Talk: How Dare You, Mr. Vieira!

Patrick Vieira is a cunning bastard. Well past his prime and entering retirement territory as the ability to time a tackle has left him entirely, the only possible way for Patrick, once the most sought after midfielder on the planet, to bump to the head of transfer gossip queues was to link himself to a ridiculous club. And that he’s done. The hot rumor coming fresh out of the oven is that Vieira will bring his card-collecting ways to, gasp, Spurs.

Should one-time captains swap to their rivals? Should a club legend swap to their rivals? Should anyone even care at this point in Vieira’s career? (No, no & no.)

Has anyone plummeted more than Jose Antonio Reyes in the last three years? Three years, three different teams, three wildly uninspiring spells. So much so one must wonder how anyone above Tenerife is willing to take a multimillion gamble on the one-time Spanish phenom.

Oh, did someone say Spanish phenom? That’d be Rafa’s entrance music. He’ll continue his penchant for head-scratching transfers if he can ward off fellow Merseysiders Everton.

On the other end of the spectrum, David ZoMG!!!! Beckham continues to stay good-but-not-quite-as-good-as-everyone-thinks. Which could undoubtedly parlay itself into a Premier deal of some sort.

“I would definitely consider it. Never say never. When I left United, I said I would never want to play for another English club. My heart was in Manchester – and I couldn’t see myself wearing another shirt in the Premiership and playing against United. Now I wouldn’t rule it out.

That sound you hear is a stampede of Prem marketing directors to the office of the chairman imploring him to make a move for…[faint]…

Lyon have made it a priority to acquire formerly-fluffy Toulouse forward Andre-Pierre Gignac and Toulouse have made it a priority to tell Lyon just how rubbish and classless they are. This is not quite a recipe for a transfer accord.

“Peasants”, who do most of their scouting through Football Manager apparently (wouldn’t that have to be the way), are hot on the trail of Polish stud Robert Lewandowski. Of course by “peasants”, google translate means “Hoffenheim”, who are not, in fact, peasants – as evidenced by Robert’s €5m pricetag.

Proving we are now going through what could be considered a transfer rumor drought, Milan have now been linked with Carles “My Name Is Not @#$%ing Carlos” Puyol. That’s just a bit lazy.

The Velodrome’s in-house maniacal madman and football’s one-man production of 300, Lorik Cana, is still wanted by Hamburg & Everton, which should send dainty attackers fleeing from the league which acquires him.

(Still the best “highlight” reel on YouTube.)

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Category: Transfer Talk, World Football