Transfer Talk: Mind Your Own Business.

By: chris | July 8th, 2009

This is Adriano Galliani’s world, we’re just living in it. Whilst discussing Milan’s transfer rumor, Uncle Fester accidentally (on purpose) broke the news of a deal all the way up in Germany.

Do you get the feeling Stuttgart’s suits were popping champagne all over one another when this rude little nugget dropped?

“Huntelaar will go to Stuttgart. Real behaved impeccably with regards to the Dutchman, but if they receive a cash offer then they are in a great position to sell.

How dare he! Taking away the thrill of an official release on the Stuttgart website….

Now just for one second….if the €20m figure is correct, this would mean Stuttgart swapped Mario Gomez for Klaas-Jan Huntelaar & €10m. Can we officially close voting on the summer’s Best Bounceback After Selling A Star Award? It’d be easier to split an atom than the differences between their abilities to score goals. Huntelaar a better player inside the box, Gomez a better player out – and when not on international duty.

And by cash does he mean…actual cash? Like a German contingent is bringing down briefcases with €20m in banknotes to Madrid as we speak? Because we need more of that. None of this wire transfer business. More hard notes and potential heists, please.

Back to actual, you know, Milan business:

“Luis Fabiano is our only remaining transfer target, even if right now there are a few million between the demand and the offer.

So €60m+ for Kaka and they get a giant American on a free and they may or may not get a 28 year old striker who couldn’t crack double digit goals in the league last year* and one whose goal totals go 5, 3, 5, 10, 24, 8 – yes, one of those is not like the others. Not impossible to see why Milan fans are so furious.

* – Milan are the latest to be wooed by the International Tournament Performance. Dangerous affliction, that.

And this means Edin Dzeko is no longer wanted in Milan, but is again wanted in London by ex-Milan chief Carlo Ancelotti. Strange how often the paths of these two now cross in rumor – surely the result of similar ideologies formed through the years at Milan. So expect to hear of Fabiano at Chelsea, Dzeko at Milan and Galliani in bed with Carletto’s ex-wife.

Felipe Melo is wanted by Arsenal to replace Gilberto Silva. Felipe Melo is also wanted by Juventus to either replace or accentuate Christian Poulsen’s dickhead factor with his own special brand of scumbaggishness.

Rumor has it Juve will land him shortly. Because for some odd reason, Juventus have the need to be even more hated after Calciopoli (feel free to consult the armchair psychiatrist for that one…just don’t tell them what you hear).

Blackburn have officially sealed their relegation fate by bringing in Bobo Vieri, who was done two years ago and now just wanders about aimlessly with the pace of a refrigerator hoping an errant ball will ricochet off him into the net. Big Sam surmises Bobo can make the 2010 Azzurri squad. We surmise Big Sam needs to be pee tested.

Speaking of once greats who look cooked, Andriy Shevchenko is currently negotiating with Fenerbahce while seeing how the Roma & Dynamo Kyiv opportunities pan out. This means we can add Istanbul to the list of cities of which Mrs. Sheva approves.

You knew with Real Madrid flashing so much cash Ashley Cole’s name would eventually enter the equation. Even if he and he alone is the source of this rumor.