Transfer Talk: ‘Tis The (Silly) Season

Must be nice being a director of sport or the like. Christmas doesn’t start and stop on December 25th – it just goes on and on until we hit the month of February. It’s like Hanukkah on steroids, but without the menorah or latkes.

Though much like Christmas, it’s filled with ridiculous stories, far too much bickering and at least one family member who can’t pace the booze before dinner. Happy Holidays.

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Never, ever give a gift to Atletico Madrid – they won’t appreciate it and they’ll rudely come back looking for another. Eighteen months ago they bought Dutch right/central defender Johnny Heitinga from Ajax for a hefty sum. This summer they sold him to Everton for a less hefty sum. Displeased by the first one they bought from Ajax, Atletico are going back to the well and will be attempting to bring Heitinga’s Dutch and Ajax replacement, Gregory van der Wiel, to Madrid to replace Heitinga once again. Does this hurt anyone’s brain at all?

Manchester City are also interested, but the Australian commentator guy during this weekend’s Ajax game said Madrid is done and dusted and then proceeded to emphasize this by calling him Senor van der Wiel every @#$%ing time he touched the ball.

So clearly he’s going to Manchester. Greg’s agent rejoices.

With Robin van Persie’s horse placenta treatments nothing more than a rubdown with female bodily fluids he could’ve gotten for far cheaper in the seedy underground of London, Arsene Wenger has declared to the world he needs to replenish the front line. Because Marouane Chamakh was linked in the summer, he’s linked now. Bordeaux have furiously denied this, and will do so until Chamakh demands a move. Again.

Arsenal are also reportedly keeping tabs on Mario Balotelli and Giampaolo Pazzini. In both cases they will get a whole lot of ringtone.

Tottenham fans could be singing to the high heavens if the suits find a way to swap Roman Pavlyuchenko (plus boat loads of rubles) back to Spartak for Welliton. They likely can’t, but it’ll be nice to read about nonetheless.

CSKA Moscow’s Milos Krasic, who is faster than just about anyone not named Bolt, Lightning or some other variation of sky-based electricity, is wanted by anyone in the Premier League with fat wallets. This includes both Manchesters, Chelsea and Arsenal. It does not include a sobbing Rafa Benitez.

Luca Toni would like to join any team not coached by Louis van Gaal, in case you were wondering. Unluckily for him, this does not include his current employer. It doesn’t include that sobbing Rafa Benitez, either – at least not yet.

And while we’re on the subject, how far are we away from a Philipp Lahm to Barca rumor? The Outspoken One was linked there for eons and even when he signed his new deal he seemed less than thrilled. This one has all the makings, particularly if he hits earshot of an interviewer again.

Michael Ballack has declared that he wants to pick up a freakin’ ridiculous paycheck while his body is still in working order he would like to try MLS.

Yaya wants some dap. He feels he can get it from either Manchester United or Chelsea. Or his agent does after reading about those stupidly high Premier League agent fees. Either/or.

(Chelsea are supremely confident about this ban not sticking, apparently.)

And finally, Kun Aguero says he’s willing to leave a 17th place club for another in 1st with bigger pockets in order to “help the club with their financial problems”.

Mmm hmm.

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Category: World Football