Transfer Talk: Translator Wanted.

By: chris | May 14th, 2009

Big clubs rule the pages, which would have you believe at least half of this is 75% made up.

In his neverending quest to change the official language of Liverpool to Spanish, Rafa is lusting over David Silva (possible) and Diego Forlan (less possible). Soon to follow: the first ever English translator for an English club.

Is it impolite to poach a budding superstar from a club (Torres) only to poach his replacement (Forlan) two years later? That just seems excessively devious.

According to Zlatan’s agent, Chelsea, Manchester United, Barcelona and Real Madrid are in constant contact because “They are the only teams capable of taking someone like Zlatan“. Well then, that settles that. Stop holding your breath Numancia fans.

And to replace Zlatan, the Inter suits would like to sign Diego Milito because he has an Argentine passport. (That’s all really.)

On the other side of Milan a talented Brazilian has also become melancholy. Not melancholy enough to leave for Brazil just yet, but enough for Ronaldinho to field offers from hosts of European clubs. And by hosts of European clubs, we mean Manchester City.

Blackburn want Bojan on loan next season. You know…even a season-long loan is a bit much for that talent gap between player and team.

Ricardo Quaresma has been such a spectacular flop at both Inter and Chelsea this year that he may stepover all the way back to Portugal where he will complete the Portuguese Big Three trifecta by playing for Benfica after his stints with Sporting and Porto. In the process adding to the most impressively inexplicable CV for a player still 25: Sporting, Barcelona, Porto, Inter, Chelsea.

Kevin Kuranyi, he of the most confusing passport in European football, is being eyed girlishly by Martin Jol over at Hamburg, a move which would make HSV fans happy and Schalke fans happier.

Fans aren’t typically the best transfer consultants, but when a fanbase is happy you’re poaching their player, that’s not exactly a good thing. (See: Philipp Degen, Mancini, etc.)

Everyone wants a Dutchman: the world wants Guus, Bayern wanted Louis Van Gaal and got their man, now Ajax would like Psycho Co to return them to glory (but they’ll settle for being good right now). And might we suggest Co’s wiki page for any budding coaches in the room – just make sure you’re lawyered up.

If that’s not enough, read up on the Prem Big Four batting athletes back and forth amongst, around and by themselves for a mark up.