Tulio Maravilha’s Delusions of Grandeur

By: chris | October 23rd, 2008

Ever heard of Tulio Maravilha? Me neither. Apparently he’s some Brazilian goal-machine, currently hanging out in their second division with Vila Nova. Tulio has this idea that he’s going to be the third person to reach that epic milestone: 1,000 goals. Pardon us while we scoff. Neither Pele nor Romario ever “really” scored 1,000 goals, those totals are seriously padded with friendlies, non-official games, and even youth goals. (Actually, FIFA only recognizes Pele, saying Romario still sits on 929.) Feel free to add Tulio to that list, should it ever “happen”. But that’s not stopping Tulio from making bolder predictions than a 39 year old striker in the Brazilian second division should even dream of.

“My greatest moment was winning the Campeonato Brasileiro with Botafogo in 1995, but I believe I still have many great moments to come. I’m determined to help Vila Nova gain promotion, become the top scorer in the Brasileiro again and reach 1,000 career goals.”

Vila Nova’s doing quite well in Serie B, so that one’s possible. Becoming top scorer in the Brasileiro? Pretty difficult considering he’s 39, but he’s also got 23 in 30 games this year, with the next best poacher pulling in at 10. So that, though seemingly steep, might be doable. He has, after all, done before. In 1989. But the third one…probably impossible. Especially with his proposed timeframe.

“I want to become the only four-time top scorer in Serie A in 2009, and score my 1,000th goal in 2010. I’m certain I will achieve these two objectives.”

Putting aside the fact that his current 859 is being sourced by, well, him, how many 40 year olds would you predict to score 141 goals in the next two and half years? How about none. Maybe if he goes on tour with Brazil’s footballing version of the Harlem Globetrotters. Bout it. So Tulio may be a bit delusional here. Just a bit.

But what I want to know is, if you’re a Brazilian footballer can you just rattle off any old number, say you’ve scored them in any old competition (or backyard game) and FIFA will bite? I’m not Brazilian, but at last check I’ve got about 1370 at the local Y. Where’s my ceremony?