Urine Testing Cramps ManU’s Style

The science of football has evolved quite a bit in the last few years. Seems no decision behind closed doors is made without the go-ahead from a team of world class scientists. And with mountains of debt still to be accrued through strange laboratory purchases, Manchester United are no exception. They’re pee-tested every single day – suppose that rules out a Lance Armstrong signing – and it’s put a damper on their practical jokes, or ‘merking’ in Rio’s world.. Not to mention their drug taking.

First of all, this little bit from an unnamed English tabloid forced me to google ‘Manchester United urine’, something I never, ever thought would happen and, to be frank, I’m not really proud of. (The ‘I have blood in my urine‘ headline from the Manchester Evening News was a particular highlight.)

They’re pee tested not to keep check for drugs or Rooney’s chips intake, but to analyze their body’s levels of performance – though I’m sure if Ronaldo’s flashed positive for, say, crystal meth, something might be said in an intra-office memo. And it seems to have been working, because they won a couple things last year.

Yet that hasn’t stopped the players from being…apologies in advance…pissed off regarding their mandatory potty time. They’ve developed a fondness for peeing in the Carrington bushes and that leaves the tank empty when it’s time for the post-practice urine test. Thus having to cork it on the pitch so that they can head home to their WAGs & prostitutes on time has really thrown a wrench into their training ground fun time:

The players have long had a wacky sense of toilet humour— taking potshots at team-mates’ heads as they use the bushes. Boss Sir Alex Ferguson says one of the best passes he’s ever seen was a Paul Scholes 40-yarder at Ryan Giggs taking a leak.

I’d have been much more impressed had Giggs hit Scholes in the opposite direction.

[Spotted on Dirty Tackle]

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Category: World Football