Viagra Can Improve Performance. No Really.

By: chris | January 13th, 2009

Twas inevitable. Viagra, aka The Miracle Drug, is going to cure everything. Absolutely everything. Just you wait. From AIDS to cancer to the common cold to a nice ham to Ruud Gullit’s stupidity, it’s going to cure all the world’s ails. You may severely offend every single person around you, but say goodbye to bird flu. It’s just that good.

And today, Viagra has made its way into the world of football. A Brazilian team doctor – no really, he is Brazilian – for Gremio, Alarico Endres, has stated that Viagra can improve your performances at high altitudes. And not just with that saucy barmaid from the quaint Swiss chalet high up in the Alps. On the pitch, like.

It’s merely a theory at this point and needs to be “game tested”, but there will be some sort of trial period in which absolutely no one backs into Gremio’s defenders to gain position.

“Viagra increases and improves the blood circulation,” explained Endres.

“It therefore can improve the performances of players at high altitude.

“I had this illumination by reading a magazine, which wasn’t a medical one: so we decided to elaborate this topic with a scientific test, and now we shall also give an indication to the technical commission.”

Gremio’s medical staff are expected to provide this pill to their players during the games of the Copa Libertadores, in particular when the matches are played above 2,500 metres in Bolivia.

Afraid to ask this but….which magazine? Nuts? Playboy? Big Busted Cheerleaders?

And is that what we’re calling it these days? An “illumination”?

I am, however, finding one slight problem with this plan: who wants to watch a game featuring 22 guys running around the pitch with raging erections?

On second thought, don’t answer that.

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Fred

It's also been used recently in fighting the GWoT.

I can't dig up the link, but an American officer was negotiating with some Afghan leader, an elderly guy with four young wives. The leader was being cagey about giving up what he knew, and before the American left he slipped the old fart a couple of Viagra pills.

The officer then went back a week later and was astonished at all the info on local Taliban activity the old boy gave up.

The old guy then asked for more Viagra. I mean, yeah, drugs and booze and braods the old boy can get anywhere. But what he really wants is a stiffy.
Lissette Evil Blue

NO!! until Bitchnaldo retires. Then give it to everybody, ok :)
bobby_digital

if i wasnt afraid of seeing a spicy lil thing on the sidelines or in the stands or even standing as a referee (hot lines women?), id give this a try... im all for doing anything to stay one step ahead of the competiton, but im not about to play with wood just for a little better endurance on the field.
Ak

Isn't it a vasodilator, or something similar? I think I remember reading it was first developed to help people with heart flow problems, so I'd imagine it'd help anyone who could do with improved blood supply to whatever...em, organ system...in question.
Matt

NY Times did an article on this a month or so back, a Uni in Pennsylvania (can't recall which one...) did tests on various athletes from their sports teams, and found that it did improve performance when they restricted oxygen, gave them poor quality oxygen, etc.
Dave

"Who wants to watch a game featuring 22 guys running around the pitch with raging erections?”

Isn't that a Benny Hill skit?
mele419

On top of that it's been used in babies with some disease or something that made their heart's weak. They were given low doses of Viagra and it helped them. This is just something pulled from the top of my head but I'm sure I could find the article.
mele419

Well seeing as I don't have a PHD I can't go too deeply into this, but I'm well rounded enough that I know what Viagra does and how the human body works. So in theory I'd say this Brazilian's got a point, and it might work. Next thing you know we'll be seeing it in Baseball for when teams travel to Mile High Stadium...
On top of that all Viagra does in your body is increase the blood flow etc and doesn't actually give you an erection, to achieve that you still need sexual thoughts and an aroused mentality, which hopefully footballers aren't having on the pitch.
chris

That's a damning admission if I've ever heard one, mele.
mele419

In all seriousness, this could actually be true, because of the way Viagra interacts with your blood vessels and such...
Matt

"I am, however, finding one slight problem with this plan: who wants to watch a game featuring 22 guys running around the pitch with raging erections?"

Isn't there a blog on this website devoted to that? :D