Wanted: Seat-Destroying Hooligans

(Click to enlarge)

See anyone you know?

How about anybody who might look like somebody you know? Or anybody who, if you squint just right and kind of unfocus just a little, almost certainly resembles your ex who used to leave the toilet seat up?

Yeah, pretty sure that’s him.

If it is, British Crimestoppers want to hear from you, because these hooligans are wanted men after a January 24 FA Cup match, Milwall at Hull City. Their crime?

Large numbers of rival fans ripped up seats during the match, which they used as missiles during Hull’s 2-0 win.

Which causes all kinds of thoughts in my brain:

• Wow. Did you have any idea they could give such detailed photos from surveillance cameras? It will kind of make you think twice before doing anything in the UK that you wouldn’t want grandma to see, won’t it?
• January 24? Meaning that for the past six months, these guys have been thinking they got away with their little seat missiles, only to turn on the telly and…oh, crap.

  (And admit it. If you’re living in the UK, you’re frantically thinking back over the last six months to see what may come back and bite you, aren’t you?)

• Is anyone else looking at these and imagining lives for these guys? I think #15 is a cab driver. And #13 is a schoolboy by day, gigolo by night. And #12 had beans on toast for breakfast.
• Number 4 looks like he’s about eight. Number 28, however? Definitely old enough to know better.
• I don’t know that I’d arrest anybody with the ingenuity to create missiles out of ripped up seats. I’d probably offer them a job with the Ministry of Defence.
• Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s what they’ll be doing. So when you turn in your toilet-seat-up ex, you’re actually doing him a favor. You’ll be…like…a job recruiter. Seriously. He’ll thank you.

Oh, and by the way? When you report your ex to Crimestoppers?

Completely confidential. Just fyi.

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Category: World Football