Weekend Quiz Answers: How Your Responses Fit Into Our (Completely, Totally and Unquestionably True) Fake News Story

First off, if you haven’t given your responses to our Completely, Totally, Unquestionably True Fake News Story, stop by this post to see what we’re up to. Then come back here and leave your own answers.

Thanks to everybody for getting into the spirit of things. You are a very creative bunch, and you have made me laugh. A lot.

Now here’s the story you were giving details for. Your responses were all fantastic and deserve to be highlighted, but sadly I’m a little short on time today, so I picked four at random and included them in the post. If yours isn’t here, everyone would still love to see it, so please go back, grab it, and insert your answers in the comments on this post.

[city] (AP) – It started out to be such a good week for [player name]. After years of hard work, he was finally linked with a transfer to [club name] for [sum of money], with [manager name] personally praising his [skill or talent] and [positive personal quality].

Unfortunately, he then decided to celebrate at his local nightspot, [bar name], where he was seen downing vast quantities of [beverage] from [something that can hold liquid.] Things went south quickly when the DJ refused to play his favorite song, [song name.] When the DJ hid behind a [piece of furniture,] he decided to take a swing at [player #2] and [player #3] instead.

Witnesses report that he was then dragged to his [vehicle] by his girlfriend, [female celebrity], and allowed to drive away, hitting a [large object] on the way.

Police are tight-lipped about what happened next, but he finished the night in the custody of the [city from #1] police, and insider reports are talking about a scandal involving a [living creature] and a(n) [inanimate object.]

Upon his release, the dejected [player from #2] was quoted as saying, “Ah, well. My dream may have fallen through, but I can always go to [second club].” And [Female celebrity from #16] said, “If he goes to jail, can I keep the [vehicle]?

From Daryl:

Cleveland, Ohio (AP) – It started out to be such a good week for Leo Messi. After years of hard work, he was finally linked with a transfer to MK Dons for $150m, with Roberto Di Matteo personally praising his Jedi mind tricks and excellent personal hygiene.

Unfortunately, he then decided to celebrate at his local nightspot, Rose & Crown, where he was seen downing vast quantities of White Russians from the UEFA Champions League trophy. Things went south quickly when the DJ refused to play his favorite song, “Remember the Name” by Fort Minor. When the DJ hid behind an antique french armoire, he decided to take a swing at Gary Neville and El Hadji Diouf instead.

Witnesses report that he was then dragged to his Robin Reliant by his girlfriend, Lindsay Lohan, and allowed to drive away, hitting a fridge on the way.

Police are tight-lipped about what happened next, but he finished the night in the custody of the Cleveland police, and insider reports are talking about a scandal involving a blue sperm whale and a Phillips-head screwdriver.

Upon his release, the dejected Messi was quoted as saying, “Ah, well. My dream may have fallen through, but I can always go to Accrington Stanley.” And Lindsay Lohan said, “If he goes to jail, can I keep the Robin Reliant?”

Laurie’s comments: A) Do we think Daryl cheated and read the story that was sitting in a a WordPress draft over the weekend? and B) I was so hoping that somebody would fit Accrington Stanley into the narrative somewhere. Well done, Daryl! Also, for “positive personal quality,” I was also thinking, “excellent personal hygiene.” I find this kind of disturbing.

From Johonna:

Singapore, (AP) – It started out to be such a good week for Didier Drogba. After years of hard work, he was finally linked with a transfer to Arsenal for $400, with Arsene Wenger personally praising his tap dancing and generosity.

Unfortunately, he then decided to celebrate at his local nightspot, The Pelt Room, where he was seen downing vast quantities of Ensure from The Stanley Cup. Things went south quickly when the DJ refused to play his favorite song, Eye of the Tiger. When the DJ hid behind an ottoman, Drogba decided to take a swing at Mexes and Pato instead.

Witnesses report that he was then dragged to his golf cart by his girlfriend, Hilary Clinton, and allowed to drive away, hitting a spanner on the way.

Police are tight-lipped about what happened next, but he finished the night in the custody of the Singapore police, and insider reports are talking about a scandal involving a dachsund and a flashlight.

Upon his release, the dejected Drogba was quoted as saying, “Ah, well. My dream may have fallen through, but I can always go to River Plate.” And Hilary Clinton said, “If he goes to jail, can I keep the golf cart?”

Laurie’s comments: My grandma used to drink a lot of Ensure. I’m suddenly thinking this explains a lot.

(For those not in the US, Ensure is a meal replacement or supplement, frequently used by the elderly who don’t eat well.)

From Eric:

St-Louis-du-haha, Québec, (AP) – It started out to be such a good week for Daniel Cousin. After years of hard work, he was finally linked with a transfer to Toronto FC for 20 billion rubles, with John Carver personally praising his dog training abilities and politeness.

Unfortunately, he then decided to celebrate at his local nightspot, Honest Mur’s, where he was seen downing vast quantities of green apple jones soda from a vat. Things went south quickly when the DJ refused to play his favorite song, Rogue Nation by Warsawpack. When the DJ hid behind a bed-side table, he decided to take a swing at Kaka and Victor Montano instead.

Witnesses report that he was then dragged to his 1986 Nissan Sentra by his girlfriend, Margaret Thatcher, and allowed to drive away, hitting a garbage truck on the way.

Police are tight-lipped about what happened next, but he finished the night in the custody of the St-Louis-du-haha police, and insider reports are talking about a scandal involving a ladybug and a ladle.

Upon his release, the dejected Cousin was quoted as saying, “Ah, well. My dream may have fallen through, but I can always go to Deportivo La Coruna.” And Margaret Thatcher said, “If he goes to jail, can I keep the Nissan Sentra?”

Laurie says: I always suspected that Margaret Thatcher had a thing for the French boys. Watch that Green Apple Jones Soda, gents, and don’t let this happen to you.

And from Mustafa Salih:

Phoenix, AZ(AP) – It started out to be such a good week for Fernando Torres. After years of hard work, he was finally linked with a transfer to Plymouth Argyle for 152,543,682,542,649 Zimbabwe Dollars, with Paul Sturrock personally praising his finishing and nobility.

Unfortunately, he then decided to celebrate at his local nightspot, Lounge Inn, Southport, where he was seen downing vast quantities of Moet Champagne from a pimp cup. Things went south quickly when the DJ refused to play his favorite song, ‘Heartless’ by Kanye West. When the DJ hid behind a La-Z-Boy Chair he decided to take a swing at Michael Essien and Titus Bramble instead.

Witnesses report that he was then dragged to his 3-wheeled car from the Mr. Bean show by his girlfriend, Ann Coulter, and allowed to drive away, hitting a Grand Piano on the way.

Police are tight-lipped about what happened next, but he finished the night in the custody of the Phoenix police, and insider reports are talking about a scandal involving Sergio Ramos and a graphing calculator.

Upon his release, the dejected Torres was quoted as saying, “Ah, well. My dream may have fallen through, but I can always go to Nagoya Grampus. And Ann Coulter said, “If he goes to jail, can I keep the 3-wheeled car?”

Laurie says: Sergio Ramos and a graphing calculator. I always knew trigonometry would ruin someone’s life someday.

Despite the fact that I’m short on time, some combos deserve special mention:

Nicely done, people! Here’s hoping your news stories show up in google searches round the world!

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Category: World Football