Who Did Eat All The Pies?

By: Daryl | August 26th, 2007

Micky Quinn big lad So it turns out Ronaldo isn’t fat. And that got me thinking about the hypocrisy of people who are not and have never been professional athletes (like myself) having the chutzpah to call footballers fatties. I genuinely cringe when I hear that “you fat bastard!” chant directed at goalkeepers, especially when they clearly aren’t. Goalkeepers are naturally big men, otherwise they’d be getting lobbed all the time. So in the light of Ronaldo’s recent revelation here’s a quick rundown of players who’ve been labelled as fatties, and just how realistic that label is.

Micky Quinn
“He’s fat, he’s round, he’s worth a million pounds, Micky Quinn, Micky Quinn!” The man was undoubtedly overweight - you don’t get the nickname “Sumo” for nothing - but he did the business, consistently finding the net for Newcastle and Coventry. How did he do this? Well, in his own words, he was “the fastest player in the world over one yard.”

Frank Lampard
The man runs box to box to box to box for Chelsea and England and hardly ever misses a game (he’s playing with a broken toe right now) and yet because he has a bit of a round face on him he gets called “Fat Frank.” You’ve got to wonder if he would still bear that nickname if it wasn’t so alliterative.

Richard Dunne
There’s no denying the Man City defender was overweight not so long ago. Not regular overweight, but overweight for a professional footballer, and apparently brought on by raising glasses of ale with regularity. But in the last two seasons he’s slimmed down and - I mean this - now looks like one of the best defenders in the Premiership.

Paul Gascoigne
Graham Taylor questioned his “refuelling” methods, and Glen Hoddle basically left him out of England’s 1998 World Cup squad for having a kebab with Chris Evans. He was always a little stocky, his strength on the ball was part of what made Gazza so tough to tackle, but as age caught up with him during his patchy spells at Middlesbrough and Everton that stockiness turned into something that slowed him down.

Adriano
Ronaldo’s strike partner during the 2006 World Cup looked equally weighty, and they made an unimpressive pairing athletically speaking. Adriano later revealed that he’s started drinking heavily after the death of his father and arguments with his girlfriend. So the at the time laughable Brazil forward line had both physiological and psychological problems, which serves as a reminder that we shouldn’t just be randomly abusing footballers for being overweight without thinking why.

Tomas Brolin
Brolin had never seemed overweight, certainly not when starring for Sweden at Euro 92 and World Cup 94. But he turned up at Leeds United (for £4.5m no less) with a lot of extra baggage, which earned him the nickname “Tubby.” From there it was a couple of loan spells before a mutual termination of contract. Maybe there’s a story behind Brolin’s weight gain at Leeds United, but I don’t know what it is. Makes you wonder who was doing the medicals at Elland Road though…

Jan Molby
It’s an age old excuse, but I’m willing to believe Jan Molby wasn’t fat he was just big boned. Seriously, the Dane just had a very large frame. When players are accused of being fat, the implication is that they’re unfit, but Molby played central midfield in a great Liverpool team long enough to get himself a Scouse accent. He was also voted 16th on the 100 Players Who Shook The Kop, the highest placed foreign player. OK he played mostly in the centre circle, distributing passes, and was the exact opposit of a box to box player, but he never looked out of breath.

Anyone got any other footballers with weight problems, or players who have been unfairly labelled so?