Would Somebody Poke A Hole In That Damn Trojan

By: chris | February 11th, 2008

As an AS Roma fan, I often – too often – dream of the day when science and technology will allow for someone to splice and dice the DNA of Francesco Totti, Daniele De Rossi and Alberto Aquilani to create God’s gift to football: Francesco De Aquilani. Unfortunately, that’s not happening any time soon. But for Argentina fans, that day may just be on the horizon, as Atletico Madrid phenonenom Kun Aguero is now dating the youngest daughter of Diego Maradona, Giannina. I’m not sure I need to say this but….Kun needs to knock her up for the good of the sport. We need that DNA.

I’m not someone who gives a shite about the personal lives of players unless it’s directly affecting the performance of my team (I’m looking at you, Amantino), it’s unfair to most athletes, but this is different. And I also realize I’m risking the wrath of all of Argentina by saying this but….I don’t like Maradona. In fact, I dislike him; for too many reasons to count. But dammit, that DNA is something else (unless we’re talking about his bastard in Serie D – but we’re ignoring that for a second).

First of all, I’m pretty sure everyone who could claim themselves to be even a quasi-casual fan of the sport knows who Kun Aguero is. If not, here’s a brief description: think Maradona. Seriously. Outside of Messi, he’s most deserving of the title – the same one which has been bestowed upon no less than 8,255 Argie teenagers since 1990 – as heir to Diego’s throne (also helps that his weight has been criticized before). Combine his DNA with half of Diego’s? Gesu. That child immediately becomes the greatest combination of talent since Andre Agassi knocked up Steffi Graff for simple genetic purposes. (I don’t buy this “love” shit for a second. It’s all about the genes.)

As far as Giannina goes (and you can judge for yourselves here), I believe she holds the key to the future of Argentine football. Sure, it may be bright with names like Aguero, Messi, Tevez, Higuan, Gago, Mascherano, and Garay (seriously, we could go on all day with these names), but they transition to an unstoppable force with the lovechild known as Sergio “Kun” Maradona. In fact, the only think I could think of that would be better than that is a little Diego Messi. So would somebody please do the world a favor and poke holes in all of Kun’s Trojans? The world will thank you. (Then get Giannina’s sisters Lionel’s number.)